


Closer

by ScienceMachine



Category: Bleach
Genre: ...i wasted days writting this, But those hips tho, Damn them Ichigo's hips, Do not repost on another website or app, Everyone wants the berry, How Do I Tag, Ichigo's overly sexual bankai, Multi, No beta we die like non-binary adults, Regret, This is pure thirst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-30 22:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19412701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScienceMachine/pseuds/ScienceMachine
Summary: Between Vizard mating calls and overly interested megalomaniacs, Zangetsu should have known better.Ichigo never wanted to deal with any of this.





	Closer

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Closer by Nine Inch Nails and Supermassive Black-hole by Muse to get in the mood.

Kuchiki Byakuya never though he would see the day where carnal urges messed with his rational thinking. He was methodical and professional, had rejected a lot of suitors of all genders after his beloved passed away and had a self-control worthy to admire. This situation was bizarre from his point of view.

In front of him was no other than Kurosaki Ichigo himself with his boldness and will who had somehow achieved bankai in least time than almost all of the elite in Seireitei wich—for the record—was embarrassing.

Ichigo was a lithe thing with muscles built more towards speed than brutal force, his face was cute even when frowning, his determined chocolate eyes and carrot hair gave him a wild and exotic appearance even by Shinigami standards, and Byakuya was suddenly glad that the shihakusho was _somewhat_ decent.

It all came to a halt when the dust cloud cleared and the strawberry’s bankai was revealed.

Ichigo turned his back at him, and wow if _turned_ was not a way to describe how he was feeling now.

How was it _possible_ for a male to have _hips_ like that!

He tried to keep only looking at his face. Key word tried because his eyes keep wandering to places they had not business going to, no matter if that ass deserved all the eyes.

The now mentally dubbed sex god yelled something about saving Rukia.

Ok, back to more holy things.

And then proceeded to clash swords.

0000000000

Ichigo could not fathom why he always ended up in the weirdest situations conceivable by the strangest confines of a mangaka’s mind. He came here to save Rukia from facing execution by saving a poor bystander's family with a prep time of a month, with the same month’s worth of training he could beat up people ten times his age, caused a ruckus in the freaking afterlife and his ruckus made a hidden Saruman’s plan of fashionable treason possible. _And this is somehow his life?_

He stood there very flabbergasted as the ex-captain went through some hella cool power show off and some kinda ‘it was all part of the plan’ speech. 

Huh, he should attack him.

He went ahead and tried to cut him in two. The pantene-obsessed Macbeth rip-off almost killed Rukia, he deserved some contribution in the form of maiming.

Did the fashion megalomaniac just _wink_ at **_him_ **?

Oh, the fox one whistled.

You know what? He would take the blind one, he looks like he wants a fight and not… whatever the hell, Ichigo shudders, the other two wanted.

0000000000

Urahara Kisuke is not your typical shinigami, nor person, nor scientist. He relished in the chaos he created and, like his dear Shihoin princess always pointed out, was a violence loving softie. So he was your least physically unappealing Kurotsuchi with a bit of bloodlust and grace.

He tended to take valuable or beautiful things for himself too, as a scientist and collector of the strange; more from the cat influence of his friend than petty wants like power nor bragging rights. Kurosaki-san took the cake in the gorgeous department and his worth wasn’t something to scoff at.

It made perfect sense to want him and never let go.

For this exact purpose, Urahara made a plan to obtain his student’s favor. It was not simple to seduce a ripe berry, after all. Thankfully the next scene occurred and with it a good shunck of the more stalkerish parts of the plan were removed.

“Kurosaki-san, are you reading Shakespeare?” Was it him or was his shop getting _warmer_?

Na, it was Ichigo in his version of _pants_. What a fright. Here he thought the background fusion experiment was going to explode.

From his perch near the futon, Ichigo responded, “Yeah, a favorite of mine”

The grin behind the paper fan turned lecherous.

“I happen to have a couple original copies in the back of the shop”

Hook. Line.

“Really!” He looked at him with wide brown eyes and a cute little blush. 

_Sinker_.

“Want to go and see which one you like more?”

0000000000

Apparently Vizard’s made mating calls when they were interested in fucking you.

Ichigo keep staring at his hollow in horror while the thing tried to explain this, red—blue?— on the face and trying to appear menacing, in the middle of his training. They had just entered the bankai part of the battle.

Was this the fucked up version of the birds and the bees talk? Made by a part of himself?

The poor creature was stumbling over its words and the blush was spreading to its neck.

After five more minutes of making a full of itself, his inner hollow seated on a skyscraper, buried its head in its arms and groaned out loud. It was interesting that the representations of his soul were as prudish as him.

In a show of goodwill he said that he would never let it take over his body.

The hollow uncovered its arms and just… _stared_ at him, his blush going full blueberry.

Was it something he said?

000000000

Orihime would tell to Soul Society, Hueco Mundo and Hell that she didn’t have a crush on Kurosaki-kun. She knew she came across as those pretty/airheaded archetypes, that her powers were incredible yet useless and that being an emancipated orphan gave her a maturity she should not have to deal with. But like he-he- _hell_ if she was not going to fight for her right to stand beside her friends. She did not have a crush in the fearless Kurosaki Ichigo, she _admired_ him.

And maybe let her eyes go to his behind from time to time.

She would be awesome enough to support him when the moment came. After all, they were Ichigo’s and Ichigo was theirs.

That sounded nice.

He would be so thankful the day Ishida-kun, Sado-kun and her helped him. Maybe all of them would like to come to her lonely apartment and celebrate. Then they would marry and have many kids! She would be the mom, Sado-kun would be papa, Kurosaki-kun dad, and Ishida-kun the other mom.

Oh, how sinful had she become. _Her dear brother would be so ashamed!_

It sounded so _nice_ though.

00000000000

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez stopped for a moment in his afternoon walk to contemplate the human girl made a series of movements that no sane person could conjure without some influencer’s help. She looked like a deranged cheerleader, talking to herself, jumping in the furniture of her room while swinging her hips and dancing YMCA. He decided to check if she had not contracted some dangerous human disease.

The situation became clear the moment he could hear her words.

He understood the need to fuck the strawberry. What self-respecting male attracted person wouldn’t with _hips_ like _that_?

That didn’t mean she could go all bonkers on the idea. Or talk about BDSM? Hm, the innocent looking sure are vicious little things…

What the fuck was she babbling about now?

Ok. Mixed harem, pet rocks, chocolate broccoli.

Suddenly he felt the need to check on Aizen-sama.

_And he would be the first to take that vixen of a Shinigami, not some human female!_

0000000000

Kuchiki Rukia was your average small and stabby friend. She had certain privileges as both a noble and Ichigo’s patented best friend forever, like drinking in the sight of him changing from the closet, delicious food, and the latest gossip.

She was not surprised at the shinigami currently chilling in the substitute’s room. Nor was she when they finally asked if _those_ were _real_.

She only smiled knowingly and said, “yes, they are”

“By the way, his butt, too, is real”

And if the room suddenly became oppressing with the full reiatsu collated lust of several horny shinigami? Well, she was only a friend rubbing her privileges on other’s faces.

All in all, another good chappy-trinkets filled evening.

00000000

_**Ban.Kai!** _

Everyone freezed in the middle of one of the most important battles in seireitei’s history to stare at the sexiest transformation ever conceived. The Vizards cat-called, the arrancar stared in animalistic interest, the majority of the shinigami averted their flushed faces, and some humans went as far as covering their noses in order to not bleed out.

To explain the vision that made everyone enter a sexual crisis, it is necessary first to understand how beautiful was the recipient of power capable of defeating Aizen. First, the tight suit covered his curves and muscles in a suggestive way that was almost indecent, the contours of his body were sculpted to perfection without reaching very effeminate or masculine extremes, an Adonis in human form. As already mentioned, the combination of honey eyes and orange hair exalted his exoticity, and some of those present in the battle could not stop thinking about the old saying of _redheads in bed_. Speaking of his curves, those hips and that ass were all that one could want in this world. Finally, his wild, unyielding and obstinate personality gave the final touch to what was one of the most exquisite beings that ever dared to exist. 

From Ichigo's point of view, nothing was out of the ordinary. Rather, it was very nice that both sides waited for him to be ready to fight. Strange, but polite.

So he tried to smile at the opposing patients. Some made strange faces before fainting. He pulled a hand on his hip and there were more faints.

His smile turned lascivious, he was not an idiot and was going to use this to his advantage.

He directed his focus to Macbeth-chan, who swallowed hard after noticing his intend.

Time to make the ‘maiming the bastard for almost killing Rukia’ a reality.

00000000

Urahara should have accounted for how sinful Kurosaki-kun’s bankai was going to be but instead he just observes as the, recently trained via Dangai, hybrid demolishes mountains with only brandishing his sword. The long hair, lack of sleeves and generally ragged appearance did not spoil his attractiveness, au contraire.

Kisuke just observed Kurosaki Ichigo’s bankai and it was enough for his brain to _stop working_.

He would more afraid if not for his raging boner.

00000000

Seventeen months of silence, the meeting with the Fullbringer and the start of the confrontation with the Quincy was not enough time for everyone to forget the strawberry that seduced all whom laid eyes on him.

For his part, said substitute shinigami had already picked up the memo. He did not know whether to feel embarrassed or offended but it was not like he was going to waste an opportunity like this to give them back a little of his suffering for such abandonment. 

This was the reason why he was face to face with Yoruichi out of his own volition and not obligation or blackmail. The cat lady had the look of someone whose christmas just arrived early, she even went as far as cackling when she heard that his revenge plot was to practically kill all his friends from pure sexual frustration.

Believe it or nor, the first step was to buy a muscle shirt and a pair of shorts that barely covered anything.

He, again, didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or offended that with that it was more than enough.

For extra torture, in a party that celebrated his return, he gave a very subtle lapdance to Kisuke in front of almost the entire seireitei out of spite. His teacher’s smug face was an unexpected but lovely reward.

00000000

Nimaiya Ōetsu though that the real shame about reforging San-ichi’s Zanpakuto was to lose one of the greatest entertainments— ahem, eye candy—in his life.

That was until he witnessed the new Shikai.

What a _lethal beauty._

Now, where did he put the lube?

00000000

Once inside his inner world and with the issue of being the most hybrid thing in existence dealt with, Ichigo kicked both Ossan and Shiro Zangetsu in their heads.

“What the absolute _fuck_ gave you both the idea of giving me such a _lewd bankai_?”

The hollow raised his hand, Ichigo gave him a bewildered look before giving the go ahead.

“We didn’t have in mind that idiot everyone was going to react that way? We thought about versatility, speed and protection, and the most logical answer was to condense reiatsu to cover and enhance us. Also, you have to remember that ossan and me are part of _you_ . _We are all blushing virgins here_ . Like _hell_ we would have known how dirty we looked, _King_ ”

The Quincy gave a nod in agreement with Shiro’s argument.

He hated to admit that they were probably right.

At least that last bankai was over and done with.

00000000

Ichigo’s real bankai was awesome and he did not look like a porno scapee.

_Finally!_

Oh, wait. Yhwach just _winked_ at him.

...never mind.

**Author's Note:**

> First fic, hope you all liked it!


End file.
